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12 February 2009 @ 04:43 pm
I know I rarely post but I took this quiz on okcupid and this is the result I got. It's sort of weird.

The Playstation

Random Gentle Sex Master (RGSM)

The Playstation

Easy to turn on. Hard to beat. You are The Playstation.

You're a nice girl, and you have lots of sex. It's therefore highly likely that you're attractive, and you're certainly outgoing & friendly. Plus, this healthy physical attitude of yours indicates deeper emotional well-being and stability. Unheard of. When guys dare to dream, they dream of you.

You don't get attached too easily, and, to wit, you're not necessarily looking for something long-term right now. That's a bigger asset than you know. Though, physically speaking, you're open to anything, you're keeping your emotional side well-protected. This means there won't be a lot of wreckage to clean up whenever you decide to settle down.

In the meantime, the men you share yourself with actually respect you. Like them, you enjoy sex for its own sake and don't need any other validation for pleasure than pleasure itself. Hopefully, you have the good sense to blow off anyone who thinks less of you for that. Usually, this is the part of the description where we offer some life-correcting advice, but honestly, we can't think of anything about you we'd change. Keep on fucking, partner.

Your exact female opposite:

The Priss

The Priss

Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer

Always avoid: The Mixed Messenger (DBLD)

Consider: Anyone else

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test | OkCupid - dating services | Dating
My profile name: : mysticlily
27 September 2008 @ 04:22 am
In celebration of R.E.A.D. in America Day, tell us about what you're reading. How is reading important to you? What would you recommend to others?

Right now I am reading the "Left Behind" series by Timothy Lahaye and Jerry Jenkins. I have read the first two books, "Left Behind" and "Tribulation Force" so far. I plan on picking up the next 5-6 books at the library Saturday afternoon.
Without books, and even magazines, I believe my intelligence as a person would not be as high as it is. Books keep us thinking, help us learn, even fiction books. If there is a word in a book I do not know, I look it up. Also, when I was younger, books were my escape from the stress going on in my family life. Today they are still a way for me to destress.
As for books I would recommend, I recommend anything by Laurell K. Hamilton for those into things like vampires, werewolves, and other supernatural things like that. For fantasy lovers I recommend the Legend of Drizzt and other Forgotten Realms books by R.A. Salvatore, and for Protestant or Born-again Christians I recommend the Left Behind series.
16 August 2008 @ 02:47 pm
So I realize that I don't really talk to people much on here anymore, or blog anymore...so I figured time to post an update on my life...

I moved back in to my old apartment building, and so far its been okay. Its been hard getting use to living on my own again, and the first night I was there I didnt even want to stay because I was all hormonal and stuff because of my stupid period.

Let me tell you, moving while on your period and experiencing cramps so bad all you want to do is crawl into a little ball and hide is not so fun, but I survived. Out of the two weeks I've been in my apartment so far I have either had someone over or been gone like 5 nights, make that 6 counting last night. Also, I tend to stay out of my apartment, especially in the evening because that is when my loneliness seems to be at its worst.

There has been some drama in my building, mostly about rules and the fact that some people don't seem to have to follow them, and if they did change then it needs to be posted for everyone to see. I keep meaning to talk to the property manager about this, but then I put it off, I dont know why I keep procrastinating about it. I really hate double standards, like just because its a certain person doesnt mean the rules should be bent for them. They need to be the same for everyone.

In other news, I still don't have a license, and I still need a job. I also have to find somewhere to volunteer 8 hours a month. Monday I am going to go to the library to talk to the volunteer coordinator, maybe I can be a page or something. They usually have high school students do that, but I need something. Otherwise I am going to talk to my sister's school. I probably wont be able to volunteer in her class, but it doesnt matter to me really. I just need to find something, and it has to be within walking distance or something I can take the bus to. Same with any job I apply to. Speaking of the bus though, there won't be any saturday runs soon, which stinks, but hopefully I will get my bike fixed (if only my dad would come over with the air compressor like I've been asking). I can't ride when it starts getting chilly, but I still have like another month and a half that I could potentially ride it. Plus bus fare is rising soon, so that's another issue I'll have to deal with.

I've had a lot on my mind lately, and just don't know how to get it all out. I need to get a notebook and start journaling again. Actually, I would like to start writing poetry and maybe some short stories, but it seems like I always have writers block! When I do have ideas they come in short bursts and I never seem to have a pen and paper when I need it.

One of the things that has been on my mind is that fact that while I am lonely, I dont want to just date anyone that comes along. I am really reluctant to date at all right now, till I get things in my life stabilized, and find a job, but I did go out with someone Tuesday and he turned out to be a jerk and didnt want to respect me at all. Just because I've been talking to a guy for 4 months online and he pays for dinner does not mean he gets in my pants. It seriously makes me not want to date at all. I think its why I've been so comfortable with just hanging out with my ex over the last few months. A friend of mine says that he (the ex) is bad for me though, and I need to find someone new. I dont know what to think about that really. I mean, its not like I'll be getting back together with the ex, so yeah, in a way, I do need to find someone new. But when the first date I have in months turns out disasterously it makes me rethink dating, like I said.

Anyway, this seems like its getting long enough, even though I still have tons on my mind, I am gonna wrap this up.
14 June 2008 @ 12:48 pm
This is one of my favorite Queen songs, I've been listening to it like crazy lately.

Empty spaces - what are we living for?
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score..
On and on!
Does anybody know what we are looking for?

Another hero - another mindless crime.
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime.
Hold the line!
Does anybody want to take it anymore?
The Show must go on!
The Show must go on!
Inside my heart is breaking,
My make-up may be flaking,
But my smile, still, stays on!

Whatever happens, I'll leave it all to chance.
Another heartache - another failed romance.
On and on!
Does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess i'm learning
I must be warmer now..
I'll soon be turning round the corner now.
Outside the dawn is breaking,
But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free!

The Show must go on!
The Show must go on! Yeah!
Ooh! Inside my heart is breaking!
My make-up may be flaking!
But my smile, still, stays on!
Yeah! oh oh oh

My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies,
Fairy tales of yesterday, will grow but never die,
I can fly, my friends!

The Show must go on! Yeah!
The Show must go on!
I'll face it with a grin!
I'm never giving in!
On with the show!

I'll top the bill!
I'll overkill!
I have to find the will to carry on!
On with the,
On with the show!

The Show must go on
Current Location: James's House
Current Mood: lonelylonely
Current Music: "The Show Must Go On" ~Queen
11 May 2008 @ 01:13 pm
I know I am living in my parents home rent-free, and that I am not working. I know they deserve time to themselves, and a break from taking care of my sister. But when I am home all week, and only go out on the weekends and they ask me to give up that time to watch my sister for them, I would like a thank you once in a while. Last week, on the 2nd I was gonna hang out with a friend, but my parents started making plans, without even asking me if I had plans...so I canceled what I was going to do, so that they could go out with their friends to the bar, something they rarely do. This past weekend they went to Mesick, Michigan for the Mushroom Festival. This was planned, and they actually asked me to watch my sister, since it was for a couple days.

Now, I love my sister and she is pretty easy to watch and take care of. The only time she can be a hassle is when it comes to meals, but suprisingly yesterday she ate breakfast, lunch and dinner with no problem.

My problem is I dont get so much as a thank you for taking care of my sister. She's not my kid, it's not my job to take care of her. I could be out with friends, or having someone take me around to apply for jobs (that I won't get anyway because I don't have a car or license, but that's a story for another time), but instead I am home, being annoyed by my brother who is grounded.

I just wish the word THANK YOU was in my parents vocabulary. I know today is Mother's Day, and I should be telling her thank you for being the best mom she could be, under the circumstances, and for thank you for letting me move back home AGAIN after screwing up.

I am just so fustrated with this whole situation.
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
21 January 2008 @ 10:23 pm
an empty heart and soul rests in me, feeling listless, lifeless, wandering.... nothingness inside my head....thinking of believing in those not worth believing.... words are drugs, and drugs are words, and all lost inside the nothingness is decay....sense what the senseless tell you, lies that are truth, truth into lies....never yours, elusive like the wind of change....

so tired of the lies, tired of deceit, tired of half-truths and cowards, of dreams that seem real but once awake pop into bubbles of nothingness.

I am nothing...yet I am everything, my heart feels, beats with the hurt....

its not over...though the end feels near.
26 December 2007 @ 05:44 pm
That's what I feel like. Yesterday was going great...so I thought. I made dinner, all by myself, well Luke made the desert, and I thought all in all it was a good day.... Until I went to bed.

I was laying there for like 45 minutes/1 hour, dwelling on things, wishing I was with my family for Christmas and BOOM I start crying my eyes out.

Luke has given up on me it seems. He doesnt think it will work out, even though I've been trying to adjust, trying to do what he wants (sexually), trying to be a good partner...but being alone, without any of my family or friends is hard. Plus I keep thinking about my ex, even though nothing will come of that.

So I feel like I've failed Luke, and that I've failed my family (who wanted me to try harder to stay out here). Most of all, I've failed myself.

Here I am, with a man who wants to marry me and have children with me, but I just can't seem to love him.
15 November 2007 @ 10:39 am
I haven't posted this, but in Sept I made the decision to move to Colorado, to be with my boyfriend, soon to be fiance. He is leaving Colorado today and will be here Saturday. I'll be leaving monday or tuesday.
25 September 2007 @ 12:33 am

Your home is a

Spawn-camping Wizard's Stronghold

Your kitchen is manned by a team of Keebler Drow Elves. There's a pantry with emergency backup caffeinated beverages. You also have some breakfast cereals in there, but you haven't had breakfast since last Spring. Your master bedroom is decorated to look like the treetop village of the Galadhrim. Your study has every fantasy novel ever written, including multiple editions of the Silmarillion and advance copies of Dungeons and Dragons Fifth Edition. One of your garages houses your Hummer, and others contain your H2, and H3... with room for an H4, if they ever invent one.

Your home also includes a roost for griffons. You've never actually seen a griffon, but you keep the roost ready anyway. Your guests enjoy your home theater with hi-def plasma screen TV, and the thrones you watch it from. Outside is the moat that protects your home from goblin invaders and extended family.

Below is a snippet of the blueprints:

Find YOUR Dream House!
20 August 2007 @ 07:37 pm
You Are a Red Crayon

Your world is colored with bright, vivid, wild colors.
You have a deep, complex personality - and you are always expressing something about yourself.
Bold and dominant, you are a natural leader. You have an energy that is intense... and sometimes overwhelming.
Your reaction to everything tends to be strong. You are the master of love-hate relationships.

Your color wheel opposite is green. Green people are way too mellow to understand what drives your energy.